Are you still going to change (me) or not?

page views:1 Publication date:2016-04-19

"Are you still going to change?"

This question, like tonight's thunder, should have struck with blinding force, splitting and deafening roar, unexpectedly echoing through my sky, making me feel like a withered tree breaking in two amidst the lightning and thunder, collapsing helplessly, with the biting wind and torrential rain behind me.

However, the thunder subsided, the rain stopped, and the cool, damp summer night breeze brushed against my shoulders, hair, and armpits, then gently touched a faint smile on my lips.

I'm the kind of person who likes to ponder, so I wondered, what kind of person asked this question, and what kind of thoughts were behind it?

There should be a few categories:

First, those who are purely curious. This belongs to the thinking of people with darker minds, simply wanting to pry into someone's privacy, to gossip about it with relish, even to spread it around, or to flaunt their own purity and nobility, or to attract attention through gossip. They just want to know what this arrogant woman's lifestyle is really like? Does her professed marital friendship allow her to continue living happily as she claims? Has she already suffered retribution and dared not try again? Has she become so depraved as to be beyond redemption? Was she just using this as a publicity stunt, and actually living a quiet life all along?

The second type: those who are purely insulting. These people are rare, but I've seen them in my friends' essays, so I'll categorize them as well. They don't care about the answers; they just think their questions are weapons, allowing them to righteously attack me, a woman who should be humble but instead spends her days indulging in frivolous pursuits. They have no grudge against me; they just feel morally obligated to insult this woman because of a pretext.

The third type: those seeking enlightenment. These people may not be particularly curious initially, but genuinely want to know what would happen if this lifestyle continued? What would the consequences be? What would their individual psychological changes be like? They don't want to pry into someone's privacy, but rather to gain theoretical guidance, or rather, a lesson learned, an enlightenment, or a revelation.

The fourth type: those who care about me. Generally speaking, my friends never ask about my private life so rudely. Everyone maintains sufficient politeness and manners. However, sometimes when the conversation gets deeper, they might occasionally say this, or express the meaning more subtly, simply wanting to know about my recent life and mood, without much genuine curiosity.

The fifth type: people who are curious and intend to get to know me. When they ask for this, I always answer directly and politely. I feel that no matter what, I shouldn't hurt their feelings, because they also want to approach me in good faith, out of admiration or a desire to find out more. My

answers will naturally differ for these five types of people.

To those who are purely curious, my usual answer is: "What are you going to exchange? A house? A car? I'm afraid you wouldn't be happy if I traded my small house for your big house, or my 100,000 yuan car for your 200,000 yuan car. As for my house... sorry, I don't have one yet." I look completely bewildered and innocent.

Although, I think this kind of substitution is just a helpless trick. But this shows my attitude—I hate people who constantly pry into others' privacy with curious eyes, like someone standing outside a dark doorway, tiptoeing, craning their neck, squinting, with a smirk, and maybe even drooling. I think it's extremely disgusting.

Therefore, I'm satisfied with my answer. Married couples' friendships are simply a certain level of interaction based on emotion; it's not an exchange, not a transaction. If it's about exchange, it's more like a barter transaction!

I always remain silent when faced with people who purely insult me. Insults are childish and ridiculous.

My usual approach is to ignore them and just smile. Although their words may disrupt the overall peace and tranquility of my space to some extent, leaving their traces always says something. What does it say? Whoever speaks the words carries their own flavor—that's perfectly natural.

I'm most difficult when faced with people seeking experience or inspiration. I really don't know what to say; I can't be perfunctory, and I can't do a good job being serious. In reality, everyone's living environment, background, personality, hobbies, and emotions are different, so it's inappropriate to use others' experiences as a guide for your own. What I can do, you might not; what I can't do, you might very well do very well. Besides, this is a very personal matter with too many uncertainties. How should I answer?

I often take a roundabout approach, first understanding my friend's situation, then putting myself in their shoes and explaining what I might do. I feel this gives them a good perspective. Generally, my friends understand my approach and offer gratitude and affirmation. But some friends are disappointed, feeling I'm not sincere enough. They feel their trusted theoretical pillars are becoming blurred, and the direction they see is unclear. Actually, with a little more understanding, you realize that people are all very ordinary; lives are all very ordinary, with not much difference. We all live each day calmly and quietly. Relationships and sex continue according to normalcy. All climaxes or passions need to be cultivated with the right mindset, requiring us to have a love for life.

When facing my friends, questions flow freely, and I'll be very frank about my recent life. Because our hearts are close and we can easily communicate, like when I say I've been busy with my driver's license test, housework, reading, etc., they'll definitely say: "You're so busy, take a break, give yourself some time to relax and be happy." It's a very natural conversation. So, a seemingly devastating problem transforms into a gentle spring breeze and blows by.

When facing friends who are inclined to communicate, I'll directly say that if they have any questions, they can send me a text message anytime, and I'll answer patiently and promptly. If we're at a gathering, we're friends. But please forgive me for not wanting to say too much about personal matters. Why do I politely decline like this? Am I really detached from worldly affairs? No. It's just that I don't like using the internet. I don't want to spend so much time getting to know someone, and most of the time, that understanding leads to disintegration. I also don't want to spend every day online looking for someone to waste time with.

I'm inherently a person who enjoys solitude; I don't have a desire to confide in others, and even if I do, I'm used to telling everything to my loved ones. I know that without a space in my heart, I would be nothing more than an empty shell. I like it when life suddenly throws someone into your life, making you feel surprised and delighted by their arrival, but not when you search for them one by one in a sea of people—that's not in my nature.

Therefore, the question, "Are you still going to change?" isn't like a thunderclap in the sky, but rather a simple sentence that can be analyzed, answered, and refuted.

I hope this answer, written on a stormy night, will make the reader understand.

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