Reprinted from Love Not Enough 3: A Brief Analysis of the Psychological Causes of Cuckoldry from a Psychological Perspective

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For a long time, a question has likely plagued countless cuckolds: "Am I a normal
person?" Some desire their partners' infidelity, enjoy watching others sexually assault or manipulate their wives. In more serious cases,
this leads to prostitution, threesomes with single men, or even raising other people's children. From a conventional societal perspective,
this is hardly normal. While cuckoldry and NTR (Netorare) have a
wide global following, they are traditionally considered shameful.
Many cuckolds only dare to fantasize in private or seek out stories online, true or false, to
satisfy their desires, but dare not reveal their true thoughts to their partners. This is because, in the public eye,
cuckoldry is perhaps second only to pedophilia and incest in terms of taboo.
To discuss this issue, we must first shift our focus to the prehistoric
era, ten to one million years ago. We all know that humans, and most animals in the world, have two most primal and instinctive
desires: appetite and sexual desire. The former ensures the survival of the individual, while the latter ensures
the survival and reproduction of the entire race. However, in the long history of human development spanning millions of years, the satisfaction of these two desires has not been natural or
easy. Due to the low level of productivity, food scarcity has been a constant throughout human history.
Even today, nearly one-third of the world's population still suffers from hunger or semi-hunger.
China's last major famine occurred less than a century ago. Even in the wealthy United States, there are widespread poverty among the poor, who often lack
food and clothing. In primitive times, before the development of agricultural civilization, the main
sources of food were only two: gathering and hunting. The responsibility for hunting, a crucial productive activity for the survival of the group,
naturally fell to the males.
Thus, over millions of years of evolution, human males evolved characteristics drastically different from females:
generally taller bodies, greater strength, a more adventurous mentality, and a strong competitive spirit
. Two men walking on the street will become hostile if they look at each other for more than five seconds, and may even fight.
This is almost impossible between two women, a remnant of this primitive mentality.
In primitive hunter-gatherer societies, individual male abilities determined
the amount of food resources a man could obtain. His ability to hunt enough food determined whether women would favor him, and consequently,
the likelihood of him passing on his genes. Strong men had women, even
many, while weak men could only watch others mate and procreate. It can be said that men controlled food resources
, and women controlled reproductive resources—this was the state of affairs for a long period in primitive humanity.
This state directly led to the emergence of matriarchal societies. Since women had the right to mate with whom,
they naturally had the right to reproduce for whom. When human populations developed to a certain point, and there were no longer
any prey on the ground that could threaten their survival, and food sources were no longer scarce
, women who controlled reproductive resources naturally became a group with higher status.
In matriarchal societies, competition among men reached unprecedented levels; they competed not only for food
but also for women. Men did not have exclusive ownership of women, while women had the right to choose men at will.
One woman might be having sex with you one moment and then immediately switch to another, having sex with a dozen or more men in one night
is no problem at all. Why do women have far greater stamina and endurance in intercourse than men? This is also
determined by the female physiological structure.
Some people may know that the male genitalia has a part called the "coronal sulcus." Some scholars have pointed out that the function of
the coronal sulcus is to scrape out the semen left by the previous male inside the woman during intercourse, thereby increasing
the possibility of pregnancy with one's own semen. This part only developed during a long evolutionary process.
At the same time, men have also evolved another psychological mechanism, namely the "sexual competitive mentality." That is, when
the woman you like is having sex with other men, the competitive instinct will stimulate you to generate a stronger sexual desire, in order to increase
your motivation to have sex and the chance of reproduction. It can be said that this is a self-protection mechanism,
another kind of implicit competition for men, in addition to the competition of who is taller, stronger, or smarter. A woman who has sexual relations with another man
can further stimulate a man's sexual desire—this psychology is the psychological cause of the cuckoldry complex.
Returning to the topic of human development, with the development of matriarchal societies, human productivity further increased.
The emergence of animal husbandry through the domestication of prey led to a phenomenon of "production surplus." This meant that the prey hunted today
was not only enough to eat today, but could also be raised to last until tomorrow, the day after, and the year after that…and next year! Thus, humanity transitioned from primitive
communal ownership—where all prey was handed over to the communes for distribution according to need—to a period of primitive private ownership. Those with greater abilities
possessed more resources, and the gap between rich and poor appeared in the human lexicon for the first time.
At this point, a major problem of matriarchy—the "uncertainty of patriarchy" caused by sexual relations with multiple men—
became increasingly severe. Since men were already capable enough to raise "their own" women and children, what
was the point of continuing this "communal wife system"? Thus, human society entered a patriarchal society where male dominance reigned supreme.
Clan surnames (where the entire clan shared a single surname) evolved into paternal surnames (where children took only their father's surname), and women gradually became
appendages or even property of men.
Of course, this transition didn't happen overnight. I suspect that for a long time, "private wives" and
"public wives" coexisted in human society. In China, until the feudal era, Confucius proposed
Confucianism, with its emphasis on "morality and propriety," which was reinforced and developed generation after generation, finally establishing this monopolistic control of reproductive resources in the legal
sphere. At this point, women completely lost their right to freely choose to reproduce, and men no longer needed to worry about their
women being defiled.
However! Please don't forget that the feudal period was far too short. To ensure "patriarchal authority,"
the entire human race developed a culture of male control over women, including the chastity belt and virginity complex in the West, and the Chinese practice of
drowning women in pig cages—all within a few thousand years. The "sexual competition mentality" that evolved over the previous millions of years
is firmly engraved in the genes of all human men and cannot be erased.
And in the blink of an eye, a few thousand years have passed, and a hundred years ago, human society entered
the era of "sexual liberation" and "feminism." Women reclaimed ownership of their wombs, and men once again faced a tragic competitive situation.
Thus, a new war for procreation and reproduction has begun. It's undeniable that this is a historical
cycle.
So, after all this talk, men's cuckoldry complex stems from the stress of competing with other men for women.
Do women experience the same psychology? Do women have a cuckold fetish? The answer is yes. According to psychological research,
women exhibit a significant "mate selection replication effect," also known as the "marriage ring effect," in romantic relationships. That is, a woman's
level of attraction to the same man varies depending on whether he has a female partner.
Simply put, a man's marital status or relationship increases his appeal to other women
. Compared to single men, men with partners are more favored by women! Thinking about it this way,
don't all those dramatic news stories about women stealing their best friends' partners or husbands seem to have a basis in reality? It's just that women's competitive
spirit is more focused on "love," while men's is more focused on "sex." Therefore, I must advise all
my female compatriots: "Beware of fire, theft, and best friends" is truly not an empty phrase.
Finally, I want to say that while cuckoldry is not a psychological illness or abnormality, but rather
a normal psychological defense mechanism evolved in humans—every normal man experiences both pain and pleasure when cheated on—
overusing this defense mechanism to stimulate sexual desire, ultimately leading to addiction and an inability to achieve an erection without being cheated on
, can indeed steer one's life in an uncontrollable direction.
As the renowned psychologist Philip Zimbardo stated, the largest sex organ in humans is the brain, and the brain's
plasticity is extremely high. Some things, once awakened, are irreversible.
Those who hesitate and adopt a wait-and-see attitude on this path should think thrice before taking that step.

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Reprinted from Love Not Enough 3: A Brief Analysis of the Psychological Causes of Cuckoldry from a Psychological Perspective

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