Deep within everyone lies a demon that has been tamed.

page views:1 Publication date:2019-03-06

A few months ago, I saw a news report about a young woman wearing a completely transparent dress while shopping at a supermarket. The woman in the picture was very beautiful and ladylike, but the completely transparent dress gave the impression of nudity, clearly showing her sensitive areas, including her upper and lower genitals. Many people were astonished, and my colleagues and friends found it unbelievable, marveling at the wonders of the world. I simply smiled, even with a hint of sarcasm. You're all so naive. This woman's behavior might seem unusual in this society, but in the SM community, it would only be considered moderate to severe. If there were a newspaper in this community, this kind of news would only be on the second page.

However, this news also reminded me of a report from many years ago about a student kneeling at a crossroads. No matter how others tried to persuade her, she wouldn't get up unless her boyfriend agreed. When I saw that report, I felt the same as my colleagues now, equally astonished. My first thought was that this woman was crazy; why kneel at a crossroads of all places? And judging from her tone, it seemed her boyfriend had made her kneel there. Just thinking about it, what boyfriend would be so crazy as to make his girlfriend kneel in that place for so long? And how much love would it take for this woman to do what her boyfriend asked? I felt this was too strange and unusual, and this question has been bothering me ever since. It

wasn't until early 2005, when I entered the SM community and came across related texts and videos, that I finally connected the two and resolved the question that had troubled me for so many years. Based on my more than 20 years of experience, only this explanation can explain everything that happened in this incident. Speaking of reports, I also remembered the story of two women kneeling together on the side of the road, both belonging to the same master.

But all of this is just the outward appearance of SM; behind the scenes, the manifestations of SM far exceed what ordinary people can imagine. You will never understand all of this until you enter this industry. Of course, as I said before, you should never try it, just like you shouldn't try drugs. This is one of the purposes of writing this article. Another purpose is to bring this mysterious thing into the light and let more people understand what SM is all about. Elementary and middle school students who don't understand sex crave it, but adult men who understand too much about sex will develop aversion to it—the same principle applies. Here, I'm reminded of the psychological concept of shock therapy. For example, someone might be afraid of seeing wreaths, but if you place them in a room filled with wreaths, they won't be afraid to face one next time. I also hope that after reading this article, everyone will stop hoping to join SM.

Let's get to the point! In 2002, after graduating from high school, I attended a prestigious university on the coast. I was my parents' pride, and whether it was the elders who watched me grow up or my classmates and friends, I was a typical obedient girl. As I grew older, I gradually became more ladylike. My image was completely incompatible with that of a lowly woman, and I couldn't stand being called a "bitch" by my master, especially the more vulgar the term. Although there were far more women than men in my teacher's college, and several times more women than men in my major, despite this appalling gender ratio, I, who had never been in a relationship, still attracted the attention of several male classmates. I received several love letters as soon as I arrived at school. I'm not tall, only 160cm, with an average build, and I consider myself just average-looking. However, I later learned that my male classmates voted me the most beautiful of the four in our department during a late-night chat. The "award citation" read: "She doesn't have outstanding height, nor a stunning figure, and her individual features are just average, but overall she is indeed excellent. Most importantly, the striking impression she gives is one of coldness, nobility, elegance, and ladylike qualities—the ideal wife." Of course, these citations are just general descriptions and contain exaggerations. The only thing I'm certain of is that I'm still a pure, virgin lady, at least outwardly. Since junior high, I've constantly received love letters, but I've torn them up in anger. Back then, I didn't know anything; I only knew to listen to my parents and teachers and study hard. Although I sometimes felt conflicted and rebellious, because I was seen as so obedient by others, I never dared to act recklessly due to this extra pressure. Many times, I feel like I'm living for others, but there's nothing I can do about it. Just like a hero created by the media, you can never truly be yourself. Others can go to karaoke bars and bathhouses, but even a hero going to a foot massage might shatter his image. However, being far from home and surrounded by a completely different environment, I had the opportunity to change and express myself. In university, dating became perfectly normal, so under these circumstances, I also longed for love, to be my truest self. Years of pretense still prevented me from fully returning to my true self in the sunlight. A seemingly honest and unassuming classmate, after persistent pursuit, seized the opportunity, and on a class outing night, I became his nominal girlfriend. In reality, I was never truly content to be his girlfriend. Why did I become his girlfriend? I don't know. Perhaps the only reason was that I wanted to be in a relationship, he pursued me relentlessly, and he even hugged me, so I agreed. After we started dating, our life was destined to be anything but romantic. In the five years we dated, I can't remember any romantic moments, only that he was incredibly good to me. Even now, no one has treated me better than him. Although our relationship lacked romance, it was generally stable. Life was mundane, but quite enjoyable. Thanks to his care, I received many benefits beyond just emotional support, but deep down, I always felt something was missing. It wasn't until the end of 2004, when I accidentally encountered SM, that I rediscovered that mysterious thing I was missing, and gradually unraveled all the mysteries in my heart. My seven-year SM career began from then on.
It was Christmas Eve, and I still hadn't received a gift from Gao Lin (my first boyfriend's name). We'd been dating for over two years, and I'd only received a gift once, on Qixi Festival (Chinese Valentine's Day) in our first year. I hadn't received any gifts on Valentine's Day, my birthday, or even imported holidays like Christmas. I was used to it, and I understood that Gao Lin wasn't romantic; his kindness wasn't just about outward gestures, but about consistent, tangible actions. I knew I was everything to him. Rain or shine, he would pick me up for dinner every day. For me, he would forgo playing games and watching his favorite sports games, and immediately after a game, he would go shopping with me. His family wasn't wealthy, but he could spend a week's worth of money on me in a single day. He once told me: "You are my goddess." Actually, I understand that not only in his heart, but also in the hearts of many classmates, I am an unattainable goddess. My grandmother once said that whoever marries me will be blessed for eight lifetimes. In this atmosphere, I got used to Gao Lin's kindness, used to not receiving gifts on holidays, but I still felt a great deal of resentment. After all, I was a noble goddess; perhaps I could enjoy the same kindness and holiday romance with others. However, that day we still chased each other into the school's grove, enjoying a night that was one part romance and nine parts eroticism. On the night we confirmed our relationship, I gave Gao Lin my first kiss, but more than two years later, I am still a virgin. It's not that I haven't had the chance, but that he loves me too much and can't bear to see me in pain or cry. However, many years later, after our breakup, Gao Lin left me with these words: "Women don't love bad men. I wasn't bad to you, so you wouldn't love me because you didn't do anything for me, so there was no need for you to cherish me. People are just like that. I gave you so much, but I didn't get you, so I will cherish you even more. If I had gotten you, I probably would have broken up with you long ago." This is the absolute truth, and everyone can find their own romantic reflection in it.
For over two years, through Gao Lin's persistent coaxing and our trips together, we shared a bed at least ten times. I let him kiss my entire body, including my most sensitive spots, and I even let him place his penis at the doorway. By then, I was screaming in pain, but another voice inside me was desperately craving it. But I was a lady; I couldn't use that unseen voice to encourage Gao Lin. Later, when we were embracing, his penis had lost its erection. He was exhausted... Let's go back to that night. Compared to the usual liveliness, the grove was unusually quiet that night; perhaps all the other couples had gone to hotels. Gao Lin sat on a stone bench, and I sat on his lap. As soon as we sat down, he became unusually agitated. Perhaps it was because I was wearing black stockings, a short skirt, and high heels that day, completely different from my usual ladylike image. Instead, I exuded a charmer vibe. Before Gao Lin even pressed his lips to mine, he was already caressing my sensitive areas through my stockings, his movements incredibly rough—rapid and forceful. This was completely different from his usual gentleness and consideration for my feelings during our dates. Strangely, I was also affected by this action and quickly became wet. Yes, I loved this feeling, I craved this feeling. I thought I could never enjoy this roughness, and although it was late, it had finally arrived. I was incredibly excited, involuntarily making sounds in my throat. I hugged Gao Lin tightly with both hands, and my lips pressed against his not-so-sexy lips, kissing him hungrily. Even more unbelievably, I grabbed Gao Lin's other hand and caressed my... well, you know. At that moment, I was completely out of control. This was no longer the ladylike, composed man Gao Lin knew. After that, under Gao Lin's gentle control, I never took the initiative or acted recklessly. I felt nothing when kissed, nothing when touched, and even when he placed my penis at the door, I remained clear-headed, even after drinking. However, at this moment, I took the initiative to kiss him, my voice came out unconsciously, and I let Gao Lin touch me. What truly exposed my true nature was that I allowed Gao Lin to touch me harder, faster, and more fiercely. I had completely entered another world, enjoying this wonderful external sensation. At this moment, Gao Lin also tore off his mask of honesty, pushed me against the tree, and began to move through my skirt. This kind of indirect stimulation obviously couldn't satisfy him, nor could it satisfy me. At this moment, he wanted me, and I longed for his penetration. Although I was still a virgin, a lady in the eyes of the public, and a good girl in the eyes of my parents, I didn't care anymore. I knelt before Gao Lin and said two words—I want it. For someone in their early twenties like myself, this desire was indeed present, and Gao Lin was clearly encouraged, perhaps even more eager to take advantage of the situation. He quickly pulled his groping hand out from under my skirt and through my stockings, placed it on my waist, gave it a perfunctory stroke, and then thrust it downwards. His hand, penetrating the barriers of my skirt, stockings, and underwear, reached my most sensitive area. Soon, I could feel the wetness of his hand; yes, it was my own fluid. At this moment, despite the hand separating us, we held each other even tighter, yearning for every pore to breathe in the East, for every cell to merge with the other. Excited, Gao Lin was no longer satisfied with merely touching the surrounding area; my seductive moans were like clarion calls, and his hand inadvertently penetrated my... well, you know. At that moment, I unconsciously cried out, "Oh!" And it was this cry that brought me back to reality from the blissful world outside of society. I quickly pushed Gao Lin away. At that moment, I regained my composure and returned to my usual ladylike, calm self. Everything that had just happened felt so real, yet so unreal. I am a lady; I can't ruin my image. What if someone saw or heard me? Rationality is my defining characteristic, my black-clad facade. No one can see the real me, and I didn't want to throw it away in front of Gao Lin. Gao Lin was surprised by my actions, but he's a good person and quickly regained his composure, though a certain part of his body remained erect. At that moment, all I wanted was to escape, return to my dorm, hide under the covers, and experience the silence of solitude, seeking another version of myself. Back in my dorm, I quickly washed up and collapsed onto my bed. But I was incredibly bored, or perhaps too excited, or maybe it was because I had just bought a new phone, but I wanted to go on QQ and chat with a friend. But it was Christmas, and I wanted to chat…

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