Even adultery has its limits.

page views:1 Publication date:2020-02-19

Having been a red apricot atop the wall for many years, I've witnessed much of the scenery beyond. But I know all too well that this root, this nourishment, this flowering and fruiting, these lush or withered branches and leaves, will all eventually fall back into my own yard. So why does the red apricot still venture beyond the wall?
I think the reason isn't necessarily that the scenery inside is no longer there; more often, it's because the scenery inside remains the same, and I'm simply drawn to the exotic flowers and plants, the drifting clouds and wild winds, or even a brief moment of lightning and thunder outside, seeking a different kind of experience. Or perhaps it's seeking a moment of romance, to end or continue a fleeting moment of passion. Few people willingly break off a branch and leave their own yard to wander in the wilderness. If that's the case, I think the red apricot atop the wall should truly know how far it should extend, how to shelter the flowers and plants inside from the necessary nourishment, and how to bask in the rain and dew outside.

How far should it extend? All questions of degree require rational solutions, and rationality always dampens the enthusiasm of emotion.

But I think, firstly, in terms of small details, the children's and husband's basic needs shouldn't be neglected or made sloppy just because of a date. If there's a small date, the family must be settled first, and you should be more attentive and thorough than usual. Normally, two dishes are enough for a meal, but on this day, there should be at least three. Normally, dirty clothes can wait a day before washing, but on this day, all the dirty clothes should be hanging high on the balcony. Normally, you don't have the patience to spend time with the children, but on this day, you must hold their hands and play with them for an hour or two... On this day, you should present your husband with the image of a relaxed, family-oriented, and virtuous wife and loving mother. At least let your husband feel that the family is your first priority, and personal emotional issues are secondary. As for your eagerness for the small date, you should still show it appropriately. It's just a momentary impulse, far from being your normal life.

Secondly, if a date conflicts with family matters—for example, a parent-teacher meeting, a planned outing, or a trip to the bookstore or movie with your husband—when suggesting the date, act as if you're okay with it. This doesn't mean being completely insincere with your family, but rather letting your husband know that the decision rests with him, and that your date can be postponed to accommodate family matters. This will not only show your husband appreciation for your prioritization but might even encourage him to go ahead, saying that family plans can be revised.

Thirdly, it's best to be honest about the date when you get home, unless your husband feels it's unnecessary. Don't keep too many secrets, as this can easily push you and your husband apart. Regardless, always remember that you and your husband are one, and that your happiness is something your husband allows and desires. Your husband is family, a friend, and a confidant with whom you can share anything. Let him share your joy, let him feel a little bittersweet as his love for you grows stronger. That date will be like a cool breeze blowing over you, carrying a subtle, ambiguous fragrance, adding countless colors and flavors to your life.

Fourth, make time for your lover on a regular basis. Don't be willful, don't disrupt his life, don't put pressure on him, and offer appropriate care and affection. Maintain a relationship that blends friendship and ambiguity. If you enjoy playing around, indulge in some imaginary pursuits; it might even cultivate your sensitivity, and you might even spontaneously compose a poem, further enhancing your image and making you more like a gentle, yielding woman.

Finally, never mistake a momentary impulse for a surging tide of love, instantly reversing priorities and clouding your judgment. Don't assume life is always full of passion and that your husband, like your left and right hands, is dull and worthless, something you can abandon for passion. This viewpoint is unacceptable. Even if you sometimes have thoughts of leaving your family and running away, remember that the person you're with will eventually become your right-hand man, but perhaps not as capable, smooth, or unrestrained as he is now.

I just thought about this tonight, maybe to comfort myself, and also to offer some comfort to my fellow women who are having affairs.

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Even adultery has its limits.

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