[Reposted from "Is it difficult for a woman to have an affair while also being a good family woman?"]

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A friend asked: "Is it difficult for a woman to have an affair and still maintain a family after sleeping with another man?"
I replied: "Not necessarily.
Let me use myself as an example—I always do this because my life has always been a transparent affair, so balancing affairs and family is something I frequently have to do, and it's really not that difficult." Why do I say this? Let me explain in three points.
First, affairs are infrequent, while maintaining a family is a regular occurrence. No woman would treat an affair like a daily routine while neglecting her normal family life. Even if a woman wanted to do this, she might not have a partner to cooperate with. An affair, being a secret, can only be stolen from the gaps in life. In terms of time, affairs have no advantage, unless a woman is so infatuated with the affair that she thinks about it at home, neglecting all housework, losing patience with her husband and children, and investing her limited time for an affair into an endless state of absentmindedness in her life.
Secondly, since infidelity is infidelity, it can never lead to a lasting marriage. Therefore, one must have a proper psychological consideration regarding the proportion of effort invested. Infidelity is for temporary physical and emotional pleasure, not to achieve the goal of escaping the current marriage and building a new one. Therefore, one must be cautious about the primary and secondary aspects of the relationship, ideally dividing it into proportions like 1:9, 2:8, 3:7. Avoid escalating to 4:6 or 5:5; exceeding this limit is, in my opinion, excessive.
Finally, infidelity can be constantly renewed, while family is constant. Infidelity cannot end in one go, nor can it provide immediate satisfaction. It inevitably requires changing partners and methods periodically. If infidelity were to become permanent, the position of the marriage would inevitably be shaken. Therefore, since infidelity requires novelty and variety, one must avoid investing too much passion and focus in any one affair. Moderation is key; don't become so exhausted that you can no longer engage in infidelity, losing sight of its original pleasure.
In my opinion, balancing infidelity and family should follow these simple principles:
First, when choosing a lover, don't hide it from your husband. At appropriate times, ask him to help you assess their character and suitability for a relationship. If you're sure you like them, offer several reasons for your husband's consideration. However, if your husband finds the person repulsive, don't pursue it. Men, with their broader perspective and more social experience, are generally more accurate in judging character than women. Even if you're wrong, respect your husband's feelings.
Second, the timing and duration of your infidelity should not disrupt family plans. The level of intimacy should be within your husband's comfort zone and his comfort zone. Avoid frequent phone calls and texts, and don't linger late at night, making your husband wait impatiently. Also, avoid confiding in your lover after conflicts with your husband, complaining about his shortcomings. This will push him away and confide in him.
Third, don't be greedy with the timing of your infidelity dates; limit them to what your husband can accept. If your husband can't accept you spending the night together, don't force it. Don't repeatedly beg him for more time together. One beg might be fine, but if you do it repeatedly and make him feel you're reluctant to part, that's not right.
Fourth, the frequency of your affair needs careful consideration. If your husband can accept once a week, schedule it once every two weeks to maintain balance; he'll just think you're understanding. If he can accept once a month, schedule it once every month and a half, or once every two months; he'll appreciate your efforts.
Fifth, after the affair, it's best to proactively talk about the details of the date, such as how the other person admires your husband and the harmonious relationship between you two… This gives your husband a sense of respect, which is beneficial for future communication among the three of you, and you'll all have pleasant memories. Firstly, your husband will feel more at ease about your relationship, and secondly, you'll feel the affection between the two men, making your love more natural.
Sixth, pay attention to the details of your affair. For example, if your husband cares about you giving oral sex, not using a condom, or trying new things, don't break these rules. Otherwise, he'll feel disrespected. After all, freedom is never absolute. Everything you do should be done without hurting your husband. If he doesn't have any specific requirements, then you can do whatever you want. Of course, you should also actively seek his opinion on these details. Perhaps if you do, he'll reduce his demands and become more tolerant.

These are my personal feelings. Currently, my transparent affair is enjoyable and burden-free, and I've gained more affection from Xu because of it. He thinks I'm quite sensible, know how to give and take, and can balance everyone's feelings, so it seems my freedom has lost its boundaries. Actually, the biggest boundaries are in a woman's heart; it's all about how you manage them.

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[Reposted from "Is it difficult for a woman to have an affair while also being a good family woman?"]

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