Why are some people so keen on partner swapping?

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I've met and seen many couples who engage in this activity, and I've discussed their experiences and psychology in detail. I've summarized the main reasons as follows:

First, they are generally in their thirties. At this age, their families and jobs are relatively stable, and they lead a routine life. Due to the monotony and pressure of life, as well as the decline in sexual interest caused by familiarity with each other, they desperately need new things to stimulate their senses, release their stress, and bring color to their lives. It's important to emphasize that most couples who engage in this activity are generally well-off, with higher education levels, white-collar jobs, and high incomes. This is because exposure to more things broadens their horizons, preventing them from being constrained by outdated ideas. Conversely, most violent incidents stemming from a girlfriend's infidelity or suspicion of infidelity involve people with lower levels of education, such as migrant workers or those with less formal education. This comparison clearly shows the different impacts of different educational backgrounds and environments on the openness of one's perspective and mindset.

The second type usually involves couples who are more open-minded, viewing sex and emotions separately. They see sex simply as a normal recreational activity, like playing cards or mahjong, without any unnecessary emotional or mental baggage. However, they still have high expectations for their partners, just like expecting your card-playing partner to have good character and play well. Married couples also engage in normal social activities, requiring effort and time to maintain. People in today's society are too impatient and materialistic, rushing straight to the goal while ignoring the process. What should be a leisurely enjoyment of life has been turned into a fast-food affair. When playing cards, would you rush to finish your hand and leave, or would you avoid any interaction during the game? This is how things often get distorted. Most people have even less patience for sex, almost to the point of wanting to meet up after only a few words, meet quickly, have sex immediately, and then go home… This hasty, task-oriented attitude certainly prevents them from experiencing the true pleasure of sex.

The third type involves men who, to varying degrees, have a cuckoldry complex. They derive pleasure from watching their wives have sex with other men (in fact, men in all situations have this complex; even if they don't start, they will develop it later, just to varying degrees). They do have desires for other women, but these desires are weaker than in other men. Their focus is mainly on their wives; they feel their wives are the most attractive, and some even hope their wives are promiscuous enough to attract more men's attention and drool. They feel proud to have such a wife and will be extremely attentive to her.

The fourth type often occurs when couples frequently live apart for extended periods, such as those who are stationed abroad and can only return home once every few months or half a year (this is quite common in our area, I won't elaborate). This situation has three sub-scenarios. The first is where the long-term separation makes both partners lonely, and they frequently chat about these problems and anxieties. Because their relationship is deep and stable, neither wants the other to suffer because of this, so they decide to engage in this kind of activity. The second scenario involves couples living apart for extended periods. The wife feels the other partner will inevitably succumb to loneliness and cheat, leading to an uncontrollable situation. Therefore, she agrees to engage in this "game" to keep things under control and stabilize their relationship. The third scenario involves one partner having already cheated and been discovered. This overlaps with the next scenario and will be discussed in detail below.

The fifth scenario involves both or one partner having cheated and been discovered. Regardless of whether the marriage has broken down, they choose to maintain their relationship for various external reasons, not interfering with each other's sex lives, each pursuing their own. Over time, this might gradually develop into participating in activities together. This type of relationship is the most unstable and the one I least favor.

In summary, I always emphasize that betrayal should not occur in a marriage. One should only act within the limits permitted by the other. Therefore, we avoid contact with couples in the last scenario because we feel our values are incompatible; we are not on the same page, no matter how outstanding they may be. If you can separate the emotional component of sex and view it separately, you won't feel bad when you see your husband doing it with someone else. You'll feel more indifferent, since it's just a game. It's the same reason why you won't feel jealous or unhappy if your husband stops playing chess with you because he's playing with someone else. Different perspectives lead to different feelings.

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Why are some people so keen on partner swapping?

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