【afternoon】

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I saw him at lunchtime, looking dejected.

Like me.

He didn't talk much. I wanted to smile happily, to be more intimate—that's what I really wanted—but I couldn't; my emotions weren't at their best.

Actually, I'm always happy to see him, but this happiness is becoming increasingly difficult to express.
Lunch for the three of us.

A comfortable distance between us.

He, as always, ordered spicy dishes without a second thought… his concern was still subtle.

And I could only uneasily enjoy the spiciness.

For a long time, I've wanted to carefully savor our past, but I'm also terrified that words, like countless periods, will forcefully pull us apart.

In our hearts, we both have someone we love most.

The more I see his love for her, the more I hope for his happiness, the more I retreat… I'm probably brave and determined to pursue other men, but with him, I've gradually developed a pure, unyielding affection, a reluctance to disturb him. I didn't want him to feel even a little more guilt towards her. He and she should belong to each other completely…

Besides, I'm insecure. I'm willing to admire beautiful people and things.
After dinner.

In a comfortable space.

My dear, he was busy.

I actually found a copy of Mu Zimei's ******, which I'd never read before, only heard was very famous, so I quickly picked it up.

On the comfortable, large sofa, I leaned against the corner alone.

He turned on the TV for me; Qinghai TV was showing *Golden Wedding*.

I skimmed through the book; there wasn't much to read. Although I admired her courage, I was slightly disappointed by the book's explanation of her sexual freedom stemming from initially falling in love with a man who already had a girlfriend, then having an abortion for him and enduring the pain. It was as if her actions were merely a form of "revenge"? Actually, her actions were enough.

Compared to the book, I still found *Golden Wedding* more interesting… He lay on another sofa, and we watched it together, occasionally exchanging laughter.

The atmosphere was very natural… This reminded me of Beijing, of the time that flowed through the Guomao Apartments.
There was a box of chocolates on the table. He said, "You can have some."

I said okay, but didn't touch them.

He came over, unwrapped them, and handed them to me… He was standing, very tall. His
posture was commanding ,

yet incredibly gentle.

Two chocolates in a row, just like that, in my hand.

…I suddenly remembered mentioning chocolates in an article I wrote a few days ago… Perhaps I spoke too passionately then, making this moment awkward… But deep down I know he's an incredibly considerate and thoughtful person… It's just that we value each other's love too much, so at this moment, our affection is hidden in simple care.

Did I have a fleeting thought of getting closer to him? …Yes.

I thought of gently wrapping my arms around his legs, eating the chocolate bit by bit from his hand… I even thought of gently embracing him while watching TV for a while…

Ah, just a thought.
He belonged entirely to her; his body and soul were consumed by her… And I, a woman with an emotionally domineering and imperfect lifestyle, often mistook my emotional estrangement from him for self-awareness… Ah, perhaps he would laugh at me if he saw this, but that's truly how I felt… What can last? Not romantic love, but friendship and trust.

Between intensity and eternity, I choose eternity.

Meeting him in this life was already incredibly difficult.

I don't want to lose him.
I watched about four episodes of "Golden Wedding."

We didn't infringe on each other.

The distance was "far."

The atmosphere was pleasant, but the air conditioning gave me a headache.

My dear finished his work, and the three of us went out together. We

said goodbye amicably.

In the car, I said: "The air conditioning is giving me a headache."

He said: "I turned it down a bit at first, but I was afraid you'd be hot… You're uncomfortable but you didn't say anything…"

I said: "The place I'm sitting is right in front of the air vent."

He said: "Then why didn't you sit somewhere else?"

I laughed… Ah, why be so reserved?

I don't know.
…Memories flashed before my eyes.

Fortunately, I cherished them and never abandoned them.

Regardless of the form of care, he is always the most precious to us.

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【afternoon】

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