(Repost) Partner swapping as a lifestyle

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(Fang Gang, Director of the School of Humanities and Institute of Sex and Gender Studies, Beijing Forestry University. This article was published in Chinese Sex Research, Issue 4, 2008, and Chinese Sex Research, Issue 2, 2008.)
I. Translation and Definition
of English Terms The English term "mate swapping" or "swinging" is more appropriately translated as "swapping". In the past, there were terms like "***", which are inaccurate because both husband and wife participated in the swapping activity. The term "***" reflects the male perspective of dominance and control.
German sexologist Heberle defined swapping as: "'Swingers' refers to 'adults who agree to share sex for entertainment purposes'. In fact, this means that two or more heterosexual couples agree to have sex with each other's sexual partners, or share sexual partners with others at home, in special clubs or other meeting places."[1]
The swapping phenomenon has appeared in Chinese society in recent years, but there is no academic survey or research on it. Research on swapping in Western society reached its peak in the 1960s and 1970s. Despite cultural differences, Chinese and Western swingers share a fundamental commonality—swinging. This article reviews English-language research literature on swinging to provide some understanding of this group and related studies.
II. Swapping and its Rules
During the height of the sexual revolution in the West in the 1960s, swinging became a social phenomenon. In American research, Bartell estimated in 1971 that 1% of the total population participated in swinging (Bartell, 1971), while Hunt estimated in 1974 that 2% of men and less than 2% of women had consented to swinging (Hunt, 1974). In 1997, a telephone survey of members of the North American Swapping Club Alliance revealed a significant increase in swingers over the past decade, from 12,000 members in 1987 to 30,000 in 1997. The number of swingers continues to grow, greatly aided by the internet. Previously, they primarily obtained information by purchasing swinging magazines; now, they can conveniently access the information they need online from home without having to visit bookstores.
Swapping partners have their own organizations, such as the North American Swing Club Association (NASCA) and the Equal Opportunity Lifestyle Organization (EOLO), among other well-known groups. Their membership is open to all races. Surveys show that there were 200 swinging clubs in the United States in the late 1980s, and 400 in the late 1990s. These clubs are more active in their services and activities, advertising and offering a variety of services to their members.
Different clubs have different rules. Some are only open to couples. Some are open to couples and selected singles. Some are open to single women, some to singles over 21, and some require single men to be over 21 and single women and couples to be over 18. Some require membership, some do not. Some clubs only accept single men when hosting salons in their own homes. Some clubs are open to singles on certain days and only to couples on others. Some of these clubs, founded in the 1960s, are still active today.
There are also several well-known swinger conventions where couples can meet and develop relationships. For example, the "Lifestyles Convention," which started in 1973 with over 200 participants, had grown to over 6,000 by its 28th edition. Held annually in the summer, it is the world's largest and most famous swinger convention. This convention is only open to legally married couples. The North American Swinger Clubs Federation's annual meeting attracts 900-1000 couples from across the country, and this number continues to grow. Such events alone brought in $1.6 million in local revenue for Chicago in 1997 (Richard J Jenks, 1998: 518-519). Similar events exist elsewhere, such as "Miami in May," which attracts three to four hundred participants each time. Other famous swinger conventions include The Chicago Adventure & Erotic Fair, the Entice Convention, and Annual Swinging Campouts.
III. Forms of Swapping
: Open Swapping: Sexual intercourse takes place in the same room, usually involving two or three couples, and may also include single individuals. Participants enjoy watching their spouse have sex with others, and also allow others to see them having sex with their spouse, finding it very exciting. It's even more popular if the woman is bisexual, as she can have sex with everyone present simultaneously. Swappers encourage women to engage in bisexuality.
Closed Swapping: Exchanging partners and having sex in different rooms. This is more relaxing, as there's no need to watch one's spouse have sex with others. This isolation is especially beneficial when jealousy is present.
Group Swapping: Three or more couples have sex together, usually in one or two rooms. Some people really enjoy seeing themselves satisfy multiple people in one night.
Soft Swapping: Participants enjoy watching other couples have sex, or allowing others to see themselves having sex with their spouse, without necessarily having sex with the other couples present. This also includes mutual masturbation or oral sex with others present, but at least some do not have sexual intercourse. Especially under the threat of AIDS, this method is seen as a way to share sexual passion with many people without having to engage in direct sexual activity, thus avoiding the risks associated with AIDS.
Swinging single: One spouse engages in sexual activity with another person, while the other does not participate. However, the other spouse is aware of the entire situation. Some might consider it more like an open marriage. Sometimes one spouse has a physiological problem, sometimes one spouse is not interested, especially the wife, who agrees to her husband's participation. (Patti Thomas, 1997: 19-21)
As we mentioned earlier, bisexual women are common and welcome in swinging. However, bisexual husbands can be a problem. These bisexual men also crave to see or touch other men's bodies, and many couples refuse to participate once they hear that the other spouse's husband is bisexual. (Patti Thomas, 1997: 27-31) This is clearly because men's fear of homosexuality is far greater than women's, and women are more accepting of same-sex intimacy.
Some women also crave the attention of many men, leading to the participation of single women in swapping. However, their numbers are very small, despite their popularity, especially among bisexual single women. In many Western countries, swapping magazines are typically found in adult bookstores, places less frequented by women, which may be a factor limiting single women's participation. The widespread use of the internet has somewhat altered this.
Many single men also desire sexual relationships with other couples, partly because many cannot persuade their wives to participate, and partly because many men have double standards: they can be promiscuous while their wives must remain chaste at home. They even feel hurt when they think their wives might have similar desires. Some men participate in swapping themselves while simultaneously viewing swapping women as promiscuous. Finding single men to participate in swapping is relatively easy, leading to fierce competition. Couples carefully select partners when they want to accept a single man. An unwritten rule among swappers is that if a single man is chosen, he must be particularly careful in managing his relationship with the husband in the other couple, respecting him and following his lead in the bedroom.
Swappers are not open to sexual relationships with just anyone; they are selective. They primarily meet like-minded individuals through advertisements and posting their own. They carefully select potential partners, excluding singles, and clearly state their requirements. In the United States, such advertisements can be placed in many newspapers, and there are also dedicated swapping magazines. IV
. Types of Swappers Swappers
do not have a good social reputation. One study showed that about half of non-swingers would be very concerned if a swapper moved into their neighborhood (Jenks, 1998). Another study showed that non-swingers believe swappers are prone to alcohol and drug use, a perception far exceeding the actual facts. Non-swingers also believe that no white people participate in swapping, that swappers have liberal political views, and that almost half of them seek psychological counseling, compared to only 26% in reality. Swappers are also perceived to have more other deviant sexual behaviors. (Jenks, 1985)
This essentially labels swingers, viewing them as perverted, and believing they are perverted not only in swinging but also in other aspects. As a subcultural group, swingers need greater social support.
Research on swingers in the United States shows they belong to the middle to upper-middle class, are highly educated, mostly professionals and managers, and over 90% are white. Jenks' 1985 survey of readers of national swinging conferences and swinging magazines found these individuals to be aged 28-45, with a median age over 39, politically conservative, and identifying with the Republican Party. In terms of political attitude, 32% were conservative, 27% liberal, and 41% were centrist. Two-thirds of swingers lacked religious self-identification, consistent with other studies. In contrast, 92% of Americans said they had religious preferences, while 4% said they had no religious affiliation whatsoever. Swappers tend to be much more liberal in their sexual attitudes than non-swappers, and are more tolerant of issues such as premarital sex, abortion, homosexuality, divorce, and pornography. (Jenks, 1985) A
1986 survey by Jenks showed that swappers and non-swappers did not differ in some basic human values, such as their understanding of happiness, the meaning of life, and friendship, self-esteem, self-confidence, and joy. However, swappers placed more emphasis on personal values than religion. (Jenks, 1986)
A 2000 survey of 1,092 swappers also indicated that they were mostly white, middle-class, middle-income, and middle-aged. While it was initially assumed that many of them had broken families or had been abused as children, the survey showed this was not the case. On the contrary, their marital satisfaction was higher than that of ordinary couples, and both partners experienced sexual pleasure during swapping. (Curtis Berg strand & Jennifer Blevins Williams, 2000)
Studies suggest that partner swappers require significant time and energy and a strong interest in sex. On the other hand, behavior is more important than attitude. Many people may not have considered partner swapping, but engaging in it can change their perspective and increase their involvement, which is crucial for participation. Comparing partner swappers and non-swappers reveals that partner swappers begin dating at a younger age and have more dates and partners. This pattern helps us understand why some people participate in partner swapping.
Some scholars believe there are two types of partner swappers: those who do it for entertainment and those with a utopian ideal who use partner swapping to explore a social concept and achieve that ideal. The author conducted participant observation and interviews in a utopian partner swapping community in Southern California to see how utopian partner swappers utilize recreational partner swappers to advance their long-term goals. (SYMONDS, CAROLYNL, 1970)
Jenks cited Weinberg's 1968 study of naturists, analyzing how society changed its standards of sexuality to accept these individuals. Among naturists, some did not accept sexual activity during naturism, while others did. Those who did not accept sexual activity were gradually accepted by society. They played a significant role. This theory can also be applied to studies of partner swapping. Middle-class individuals with strong family values and who are mainstream in other aspects are more easily accepted by society, thus making partner swapping more acceptable. (Jenks, 1998)
V. The Impact of Partner Swapping on Marriage
A survey showed that most partner swapping couples are between 36 and 40 years old, have established careers, and begin partner swapping after having children. A typical partner swapper marries 1.5 times, with marriages lasting 10.5 years. Partner swappers value marriage; married individuals are more likely to participate in partner swapping than single individuals, believing that "humanity" is good. 62.6% of partner-swapping participants believed that partner-swapping improved their marriages and relationships, 35.6% believed that the quality of their marriages remained unchanged, and 1.7% believed that the quality of their marriages was worse than before. This assessment was consistent between women and men (Butler, 1996).
Some scholars believe that partner-swapping promotes the stability of monogamous marriages, greatly enriching the sexual experiences of both partners, while rarely threatening the marriage itself. However, to ensure that partner-swapping does not negatively impact marriages, participants have developed some rules, such as prohibiting excessive passion and love involving sexual activity with others, and using caution and strategy to reduce jealousy (Denfeld, Duane; Gordon, Michael, 1970).
Surveys show that 85% of partner-swapping participants said that participating in partner-swapping did not threaten their marriages, and the vast majority said it improved them. Some partner-swapping participants also said that they felt warmth, reliance, and love between their spouses after partner-swapping. Three-fifths believed that partner-swapping improved their marriages. 91% of men and 82% of women are happy to participate in partner swapping, only 1% of women regret it, and no men regret it. (Jenks, 1986) Another survey also pointed out that the marriages of partner swappers benefit greatly from partner swapping. In partner swapping practice, traditional gender roles are dismantled; the past belief that men were sexually exclusive now allows women to be more "masculine." Partner swapping provides a risk-free sexual experience. (Jenks, 1998)
Partner swapping is a non-exclusive sexual behavior. Partner swapping involves both partners; although there is intimate contact with other partners, feelings for non-partners are excluded. Partner swapping exposes the secrets and infidelity in human nature, and the human desire for diversity; couples can explore their pleasures together without secrets and guilt. By removing deception such as secret affairs and extramarital relationships from the marital relationship, new trust and openness give couples the opportunity to overcome jealousy. (McGinley, 1995)
Studies by swingers themselves indicate that swinging couples are usually deeply in love, possess excellent and honest communication skills, healthy sexual attitudes, and a strong desire to fulfill each other's needs in life, including sex. Only with these qualities can they begin swinging. Through swinging, couples discover a way to connect more closely with each other, and most importantly, to let their partner know that they are the most important and irreplaceable person in their life. Swapers believe that sexual activity for pleasure is one thing, and having sex with your life partner is another. Couples who have swapped love each other more than before because they share not only their deepest desires but also their most intimate sexual experiences. (Patti Thomas, 1997: 13-14)
It is a lie to say that jealousy never exists between swinging couples. However, if a couple is honest with each other, believes in their love and commitment, and truly enjoys each other's company, jealousy is not a fatal factor. If problems arise in swinging, communicate; communication is crucial for swinging couples. A good approach is to remain calm, listen with an open mind, and try to understand your spouse's feelings. A marriage isn't destroyed by outsiders, but by internal problems between the couple. (Patti Thomas, 1997: 15-16)
Only a few men can maintain a good erection during partner swapping as usual because they feel nervous at parties, worrying about not being appreciated, fearing exposure, and so on.
The biggest complaint from female partner swappers is that their male partners are too impatient and constantly encourage them to dress less and more revealingly, while the men themselves don't do the same. Some elites in the swapping community believe that the best way to encourage women's participation is to have them dress more attractively, making them feel appealing—this is crucial. Another source of dissatisfaction for women is that they are not prepared when men let them into the room; mutual respect is essential.
Elite members in the swapping community suggest: give your partner the same respect you would want yourself, assure her she is the love of your life, give her the freedom to choose who she wants to be with, be patient with her anxieties, and be her best friend and greatest listener—then you can have everything you dream of. (Patti Thomas, 1997: 33-35)
If a swapping environment makes you uncomfortable, you must leave when you want to. While this may seem selfish, not doing so will hurt you and affect your perspective on swapping. Your spouse should respect your choice and consider your feelings important, not just a fleeting passion.
Newcomers to the swapping community usually attend parties and dances to get to know others, but sex isn't always necessary. Only when things feel very right should they go to a hotel. This prior interaction helps break the ice. Swappers also develop games to further this process.
Jealousy is unavoidable, but it will dissipate if you remember your spouse isn't looking for a replacement but simply to enjoy stimulation and passion together. Some swappers develop deep friendships and relationships, but this should be based on mutual consent. (Patti Thomas, 1997: 37-39)
Leaving the swapping lifestyle is also a challenge many swapping couples face. Possible reasons for this problem include jealousy, guilt, threats to the marriage, boredom and disappointment with partner swapping, divorce, one partner's desire to stop swapping, fear of being discovered, and so on.
Some scholars point out that partner swapping is a double-edged sword; it can promote or harm a marriage. Different solutions depend on which side of the sword the spouse uses, not on the sword itself. (Thio, 1988: 270)
VI. Research on the Relationship between Partner Swapping and AIDS
Some scholars, considering the threat of AIDS, believed that the growth rate of partner swappers might decline, but survey results did not show this trend.
A 1992 survey showed that only about half of partner swappers were worried about contracting AIDS. Partner swappers recognized that AIDS is not something everyone has and that it can be prevented through safe sex. If partner swappers decrease, it is not necessarily because of AIDS itself, but because of the societal hostility towards sexual freedom brought about by AIDS. (Jenks, 1992)
A 1992 study found that only 13% of swingers were afraid of AIDS, 62% changed their sexual behavior because of AIDS, such as using condoms and being more careful in choosing partners; 7% gave up swinging altogether, and about one-third did not change at all. (Jenks, 1998: 515-516)
These English-language studies are of great significance for understanding swinger populations and for further research in China.
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