【Pile tip】

page views:1 Publication date:2022-01-13

My husband, Wang Tao (both pseudonyms), works as a clerk in a small government agency. If I don't work incredibly hard, can he shoulder all these debts alone? (Our 200+ square meter apartment and 400,000 yuan car were bought on a mortgage.)
Since graduating from university, I've always worked in frontline departments of the company, which is incredibly tough. Although the income is decent, the workload is undeniable. Overtime is frequent, and during peak sales seasons, sometimes we work through the night. Even during my pregnancy, he didn't stop working day and night.
Many times, Wang Tao said to me, "We can simplify our lives. Isn't a simple life being advocated now?" I scoffed, "You can live a simple life, but what about Xiao Mo? Who will cover Xiao Mo's monthly expenses of over 2,000 yuan? Add to that the cost of extracurricular classes, is your salary enough?" Wang Tao was speechless.
Because of this, the conflicts between us gradually surfaced. We gradually grew distant from each other, and it was around that time that he got involved with Xiao Wei. Xiao Wei is 24 years old, young and beautiful, with a gentle personality. She's a nurse, and her parents are both laid-off workers.
It's said that nurses are the sexiest profession in men's eyes. I think Wang Tao fell in love with Xiao Wei because he was attracted to her gentle nature, which is precisely what I lacked.
Looking back now, I realize I didn't consider Wang Tao's feelings after achieving success in my career. Yes, women are far more prone to pride and complacency than men. Men look up and see many people better than themselves, so they dare not be complacent and quickly keep a low profile; women look around and see few successful women, making them stand out, and arrogance and domineering arise spontaneously, which men don't like.
How could I, who had always been dominant in our marriage, tolerate Wang Tao's betrayal? I demanded a divorce; I wanted him to leave with nothing.
Regarding the custody of our daughter, Wang Tao and I couldn't agree. In our family, Wang Tao and I had always played the roles of strict mother and kind father. I was quite strict with Xiao Mo in every way, while Wang Tao let his daughter do as she pleased. As a result, Xiao Mo often looked forward to my business trips. She once told her teacher, "When my mom is away on business, home is my paradise."
Wang Tao said I was inhumane in raising our daughter. I argued, "How can one become successful without enduring hardship?" "A person's childhood is short; after that, there are endless worries and burdens. Let children have a carefree and happy childhood!" Wang Tao's tone was pleading. Unable to reach an agreement, we gave the choice to our daughter. "Mom and Dad have to live separately because of work. Who will you live with?" Our daughter excitedly shouted, "I'll live with Dad! I'll live with Dad!" After sending her away, I said to Wang Tao, "Xiao Mo made this choice because she doesn't know we're getting a divorce. Let's tell her the truth and let her make a choice knowing the facts."
Wang Tao disagreed, afraid of hurting our daughter. I didn't care and unilaterally told our daughter the truth. Our daughter cried quietly for a while, then said softly, "I still want to live with Dad." I couldn't help but burst into tears. Wang Tao comforted me, saying, "No matter where our daughter is, you'll always be her mother. If you miss her, go see her. The world has become a village, let alone the city we live in."
I couldn't bear to see my daughter without a beautiful home, nor could I bear to see her squeezing onto the bus to kindergarten every day. Therefore, I planned to leave the house, the car, and all the valuables in the house to Wang Tao. A
scream in the middle of the night...
To make it easier to get to work, before finalizing the divorce, I rented a nice little apartment in Fuhua Villa near my company.
I brought Xiao Mo to see it early in the morning and gave her a key, telling her that she could come here to see her mother whenever she missed her. When Xiao Mo realized we were really getting a divorce, she suddenly felt a great fear and cried, begging me, "Mom, can't you not separate? I love you both." My daughter's words pierced my heart like a knife. But how could I accept his betrayal if we didn't divorce?
So, I told Xiao Mo everything about her father. The poor child just kept asking me to forgive her father's mistakes, completely unable to understand my inner pain.
The day of the divorce drew ever closer. The night before the divorce, I suddenly felt a strange pang of heartache. That night, I had a nightmare in which my daughter fell from the balcony… I woke up drenched in sweat and immediately called Wang Tao: “Should we postpone the divorce for a while?” Unexpectedly, he replied without hesitation, “I’ve made all the necessary mental preparations. You’ve changed your mind again?” I had no choice but to hang up.
The next day, we went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to complete the divorce proceedings as scheduled. That evening, Wang Tao even invited me and Xiao Mo to dinner. Xiao Mo didn’t eat a single bite, only silently weeping. Xiao Mo’s pained expression broke my heart, and I, who never drinks heavily, actually downed more than half a bottle of baijiu (Chinese liquor) in one go.
It was already 8:30 PM when I left the hotel. Suddenly remembering that I was supposed to go back to my rented apartment that night, I felt an emptiness in my heart. Before even going home, loneliness had already overwhelmed me. I went straight to a bar near my company, wanting only to numb my aching heart. I drank there for three hours, and by late at night, I was completely drunk. I stumbled to the company, my steps unsteady.
In the corridor, someone ran up to me and helped me up: "Manager Cheng, what happened to you? Why are you meddling in other people's business?" "I'm Li Yi'an, your colleague. Are you drunk?"
Li Yi'an helped me up, but I don't remember how he took me back to my apartment. I only remember that when I got home, just as I was about to turn on the light, he grabbed my hand: "Don't let the neighbors see you like this."
Darkness. Silence. An ambiguous, dangerous atmosphere was palpable.
Perhaps I was the one who reached out first—I had been abandoned by my husband, I was hurt, I felt wronged, I needed comfort, I needed warmth. That night, my colleague and I abandoned all morals and ethics…
Around 2 a.m., I vaguely heard a scream. When I came to my senses, I found Xiao Mo standing like a statue beside our bed. She had clearly been startled unconscious.
The poor child, who had secretly run away from home in the middle of the night to see me, fearing I'd be heartbroken on the first night after the divorce, never expected to encounter such a terrible and embarrassing scene. I was too ashamed to face her,
and just stood there dumbfounded watching Xiao Mo run out the door… The next day, I called my daughter, and she hysterically yelled at me on the phone: “You’re not my mother anymore! You’re all crazy! I don’t want you anymore…” Then she hung up.
After that, no matter how many times I called, Xiao Mo wouldn’t answer.
Those were truly painful times. To escape reality, I went on a two-week trip alone. When I returned, I called Xiao Mo again, and she still yelled at me mercilessly before hanging up.
That night, I missed Xiao Mo terribly. In the middle of the night, I got up and rushed back to our old home.
I had a key; Wang Tao hadn’t taken it back during the divorce. Perhaps subconsciously, he felt this home was soaked with my blood and sweat, and although legally he was the head of the household, he couldn’t psychologically claim it as his own.
I opened the door, turned on the entryway light, and quickly looked down like I was searching for treasure. Wang Tao's oversized leather shoes and my daughter's white sneakers immediately caught my eye, and I breathed a long sigh of relief. Just as I was about to leave quietly, I suddenly noticed a pair of stylish, brightly colored boots leaning against the corner of the wall. My head throbbed, and my blood boiled with rage. Wang Tao, you scumbag, you've been divorced for less than two months, and you've brought that vixen home, fooling around right under my daughter's nose! I left this home with you for our daughter's sake, not to be your den of iniquity! I flung open the master bedroom door, only to find Wang Tao sprawled on the bed, snoring loudly. Filled with doubt, I pushed open my daughter's bedroom door. On that small bed, my daughter was sleeping peacefully with a young woman, my daughter nestled against her arm… This scene was even more heartbreaking than Wang Tao with that woman.
I've always believed that my daughter is my private property. Others can possess my man, but not my daughter. She is my deepest love, my strongest pillar of support in this world.
I didn't disturb them, quietly retreating outside. I threw the woman's little boots outside, wanting to leave a trace of my presence. I
never expected that the next day, my daughter would call me, angrily questioning why I had interfered in their lives. At that moment, tears streamed down my face, and I sobbed uncontrollably.
Searching for my daughter's presence in my imagination
that day, I was returning from running errands when I boarded a minibus. At one stop, a father and daughter got on. The little girl looked remarkably like my daughter, Xiao Mo, when she was little. The bus was crowded, and the little girl was baring her teeth. I waved to her, "Come here, Auntie, I'll give you a seat." The little girl gave me a bright smile and squeezed her way towards me. Her father's voice came from the crowd, "Zhuo'er, quickly thank Auntie!"
Holding the little girl named Zhuo'er in my arms, I suddenly felt a pang of sadness. She smelled so much like my daughter, and I couldn't help but hug her tightly. She felt my pull and turned to look at me softly. I closed my eyes and gently rested my chin on her hair. The bus swayed forward, and memories flooded my mind, each scene filled with my daughter's sweet voice and image. Before I knew it, my eyes were filled with tears…
"Zhuo'er, it's time to get off," the man called. My stop had come, so Zhuo'er and I stood up together.
After getting off the bus, we walked into Fuhua Villa together. "You live here?" the man asked.
"Yes, I rent a place here." We both fell silent.
"Auntie, can I come to your house to play?" Zhuo'er asked. "Great! Welcome to my house." "Do you have children at Auntie's too?" I was taken aback. "Yes, but they only come on weekends." Zhuo'er was about to ask more when her father changed the subject.
The next evening, Zhuo'er and her father visited. "Auntie, my dad wants to invite you to dinner! You must come!"
That evening, we had dinner at a beautiful Japanese restaurant. Zhuo'er's father's name was Gu Jun; his wife had passed away three years prior. When Zhuo'er went to the restroom, Gu Jun said, "Zhuo'er really likes you; she says you smell like her mother."
I didn't know what to say. Gu Jun sighed and said, “A few years ago, this child was almost driven mad by missing her mother. Once, I took her shopping, and she suddenly said she smelled her mother's scent. She started running wildly through the crowd, and finally, she was certain that a middle-aged woman in the crowd smelled the same as her mother, so she followed that woman around and around… My wife always wore a regular brand of perfume. Later, I started dating a girl, and I bought her that perfume. She said she only used Versace. I told her about Zhuo Er searching for her mother's scent, but she still refused. She said she was afraid to go out if she wore that perfume. I broke up with her then and there.”
Six months later, that regular brand of perfume appeared on my dressing table.
Yes, Gu Jun and I were in a relationship.
However, no one knew that a major reason I was in a relationship with her was that he had a daughter who looked remarkably like Xiao Mo. Ever since Xiao Mo witnessed that scene on the first night after the divorce, she had never smiled at me again. I had no idea what this stubborn child was thinking. My daughter and I can no longer find the tacit understanding and harmony we once had. She rarely comes to see me anymore. In my eyes, she and Wang Tao's woman are closer, more like a mother and daughter.
Now, I can only seek some of the feelings of the past, some self-righteous comfort, from Gu Jun's daughter. Is this a kind of sorrow? Perhaps only I know...

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