*** made me go further and further away

page views:1 Publication date:2022-04-23

For over thirty years, I was a very chaste woman, but from that moment on, once the breach was opened, it was unstoppable. I'm 35 this year, and my husband is four years older than me. We've been married for eight years, and he was my first love. If it weren't for his momentary lapse of judgment, my life might still be quite ordinary; everything changed because of that exchange. I'm not a particularly conservative woman, but as a civil servant, I usually only wear professional attire, as I shouldn't be too conspicuous in that environment. People might not know, but despite the formality of government offices, people are actually quite open-minded. Telling dirty jokes in the office is common, though I rarely participate. My husband's personality is the opposite of mine; he's more open and receptive to new things. Perhaps because of his personality, he's the one who started it all. As our child grew older, our sex life became increasingly bland, happening only once a month, and even then, the quality wasn't great. This is a common problem for many couples, but there's no magic cure. Many choose to accept it, letting this ordinariness accompany them for life, but some are unwilling to accept this ordinariness. For someone like me, whose life is very conventional, this kind of life seemed perfectly normal. But my husband didn't see it that way. He always thought it was the seven-year itch, that we were getting tired of each other and needed some new stimulation to rekindle our youth. Sometimes I would joke with him, "If you rekindle your youth, aren't you afraid your wife will run away?" His answer was always so confident: "Life only happens once, I don't want you to become a haggard housewife." He always made me very happy when he said that, but I never imagined it would take such a form. The First Swapping In 2003, he started going online. At first, he just read the news, browsed forums, and occasionally watched some adult films. One time, a European or American adult film really shocked us. The stimulating scenes in the film led to an exciting sexual encounter for us, whose sex life had been dull, and a long-lost feeling surged back. From then on, he started occasionally mentioning the idea of swapping partners. I just thought he was joking and didn't pay much attention. Who knew he secretly went to some swapping forums and actually came across some people and things related to this. One time, I caught him browsing the internet. When he realized I'd noticed, he calmly made me look at the posts too. The stories and photos in the posts shocked me; I couldn't believe such things actually happened in real life. My husband then probed my reaction, asking if I wanted to try this kind of sex. I didn't say anything then, but I felt my face burning. Looking back now, I don't understand why I acted that way. If I had firmly refused, things might not have turned out this way. Seeing my noncommittal attitude, my husband assumed I'd tacitly agreed and became even more proactive in finding partners for this exchange. I remember it was after the Spring Festival in 2005. One day, he suddenly pulled me to the computer and showed me an email. It was from a man in Tianjin, agreeing to contact us. I was furious; I couldn't believe he was actually doing this. My husband immediately reassured me, saying it was just a casual contact to understand the other person's psychology, and promised to immediately cut off contact if I didn't agree. Actually, I didn't realize there was a trap here. What did "cut off contact if I don't agree" mean? Actually, things were wrong from the start. Although I vaguely sensed something was amiss, a strange curiosity prevented me from pursuing it further, which was tantamount to tacit consent. Perhaps the monotony of years of married life had indeed become tiresome. The other person was the owner of a private company in Tianjin, named Long Sheng (pseudonym), a few years older than my husband. We quickly established contact through video. In the video, I saw that he was a burly man, not handsome but somewhat dignified, at least not unpleasant. Initially, two men appeared in the video, actually for both wives to see. The other person quickly responded that his wife had approved of my husband. My husband gestured with his lip, waiting for my response. I was a little embarrassed, but still nodded. That night, my husband muttered to me, "You're going to have sex with a stranger, are you excited?" while having sex with me, and we had a very good sexual experience. Soon, we arranged our first meeting. Since the other person's child was studying at a university in another city, we agreed to meet in Tianjin. One weekend, we sent our child to his maternal grandparents' house and then took a long-distance bus there. We got off directly at the Tianjin Economic-Technological Development Area, where Longsheng was already waiting to pick us up in his Passat. Longsheng was a tall man, 1.85 meters, with a very robust build. My husband, at 1.73 meters, looked much less imposing next to him. Longsheng looked like a mafia boss, and my husband and I exchanged glances and couldn't help but laugh. Actually, Longsheng was a very easy-going person. After introducing himself to us, we quickly became quite friendly. However, as it was my first time participating in such an event, I was still a little nervous, and I felt my smile was a bit stiff. Longsheng noticed something in the rearview mirror and smiled, saying, "Mrs. Xu, is this your first time participating in such an event? It's normal to be nervous. But don't worry, you can choose to withdraw at any time. If it's really not possible, the four of us can just sit and chat." My face flushed red, and I lowered my head in embarrassment. We arrived at their home shortly after, a two-story duplex penthouse with a large bay window overlooking the entire Tianjin Economic-Technological Development Area—a truly beautiful view. Long's wife had already prepared the meal and urged us to eat quickly. Let's call Long's wife "Sister-in-law" for now. She's almost 40, and to be honest, she's not particularly attractive—far less so than me. I'm quite confident in myself; I'm 1.67 meters tall, weigh 115 kilograms, and while slightly plump, with a 75C bust, I'm undeniably sexy. Sister-in-law is only 1.6 meters tall, not fat, even somewhat thin, but she has a decent air about her, like someone with social standing. Apparently, she's a university lecturer. I really don't understand what my husband sees in her; perhaps it's because he prefers thin women! Of course, men and women have different standards for judging women. We quickly finished our half-hearted meal. We sat in the living room watching TV for a while, the atmosphere a little awkward. However, Longsheng broke the silence, asking us in a questioning tone, "How about we go up to the master bedroom and watch some DVDs?" My husband glanced at me, and I kept my head down, not saying a word. He nodded. Longsheng and his wife led us upstairs. My sister-in-law casually sat on the bed, and my husband nonchalantly sat on the other side. I carefully sat on the chaise lounge by the window. Longsheng turned on the TV and picked out an adult film (similar to many swapping movies), showing he was quite experienced. After watching for a while, Longsheng sat down next to me. I was flustered and didn't know how to react. My husband seemed unconcerned, smiling at us both. After a while, seeing my lack of reaction, he put his arm around my waist. His large hand gripped my waist, and I felt a slight tingling sensation. Longsheng whispered in my ear, "I liked you the moment I saw you." My face immediately burned. He tightened his grip, and I leaned against him. Seeing this, my husband also lay down on the bed and rolled next to my sister-in-law. She didn't object and let him hold her. After watching for a while, Long Sheng, perhaps feeling it was about time, suggested, "How about we all go take a shower?" My husband agreed and pulled my sister-in-law into the bathroom. As soon as he left, I felt abandoned and couldn't help but sigh. Seeing my husband leave, Long Sheng immediately reached out and pulled me into his arms. I groaned in surprise, and he, thinking I was encouraging him, covered my mouth without warning. I have to admit, he was a very skilled kisser. I felt very comfortable being kissed; our tongues intertwined, and there was even a spark. Seeing that I had given in, Long Sheng began to knead my breasts through my clothes, and my body gradually softened. He pulled open my clothes. Because it was winter, I was wearing a sweater underneath, which made things a little inconvenient. He commanded, "Take it off." I involuntarily unbuttoned my clothes; his words seemed to have a magical power, making it impossible for me to refuse. I stood up and started undressing, while he sat there admiring me. At first, I felt a little embarrassed. As my clothes were removed one by one, I became even more shy. After all, it wasn't easy for a woman with no prior extramarital sexual experience to be naked in front of a strange man. I was only wearing underwear and felt a little cold. He beckoned to me, "Come on, help me undress." I couldn't refuse, so I obediently went over and started undressing him. At first, I was standing, which made it quite inconvenient. He pulled me down, gesturing for me to kneel, and I actually knelt down again to help him remove his clothes. Long Sheng was indeed very robust; it was clear he had been fit in his youth, but as a man in his forties, he had developed a bit of a belly. What surprised me was his penis. After his pants were removed, I felt how large it was inside his white briefs. He suddenly pulled my hand to his penis. I looked up at him in surprise. Long Sheng smiled and said, "Don't you want to see it?"He made me chuckle, and the atmosphere instantly became much more relaxed. Just then, my husband and sister-in-law came out after showering. My face flushed again. Long Sheng pulled me up and said to my husband, "Mrs. Xu is truly a beauty! Haha..." My husband actually chuckled awkwardly. Suddenly, I felt uneasy. Why did my husband seem a little lewd? Perhaps it was because it was our first time swapping, and he was very nervous. Long Sheng pulled me into the bathroom. The hot water was still running. He reached out and flicked the clasp on the back of my bra, instantly freeing my large breasts. Then he untied my hair, and a cascade of black curly hair fell down. He hugged me from behind, kissing my earlobe, his hands working in tandem. His right hand played with my breasts, while his left hand slipped inside my underwear, violating my private parts. At first, I tried to resist by clamping my legs together, but the hot breath from his nose made me weak all over, and I couldn't help but let out a moan. To make things easier, he actually pulled my thighs up and placed them on the edge of the bathtub. My private parts offered no resistance, and his thick fingers plunged deep inside, probing and teasing my clitoris. I could no longer suppress the surging passion; my lower body was already overflowing. I moaned wantonly, "Ah..." I reached behind me with one hand to stroke his back and neck, while the other hand was guided down to my lower body, grasping that deadly penis. It was so big, much bigger than my husband's! Before I knew it, I was turned around, and we kissed passionately again, this time willingly. I felt his penis hardening against my stomach, so I consciously took off his underwear. His black penis, the glans gleaming, almost made me faint with arousal. He pressed my shoulder and gave me a wink. I couldn't resist kneeling down to give him oral sex. My mouth could barely contain his enormous penis. "Oh...baby, so good, you're such a beauty!" Long Sheng's voice seemed like encouragement, and I worked even harder, mimicking the actresses in porn movies. I didn't know if I was really making him feel good; I just felt I needed to put more effort into serving him than my husband. After a while, he pulled me into the bathtub to shower. He even taught me how to apply shower gel to my breasts while he rubbed his back, jokingly calling it "abalone head rubbing." My nipples rubbed against his broad back, sending shivers down my spine like electric shocks. My body was incredibly sensitive, craving a man's penetration at any moment. When we came out of the bathroom, my husband was already having sex with my sister-in-law. He was sitting on the bed, their lower bodies joined together. My sister-in-law's head was tilted back, her body twisting and moaning ecstatically, my husband's penis thrusting in and out of her vagina. My husband glanced at us out of the corner of his eye, then immediately resumed his frenzied lovemaking. A question had been lingering in my mind: what was it like when my husband had sex with other women? Suddenly, a feeling of jealousy welled up inside me, perhaps because my husband had somewhat ignored my gaze. Long Sheng pulled me to sit on the chaise lounge and resumed his assault. My body had become incredibly sensitive after the stimulation; in fact, my lower body hadn't stopped flowing. I realized he was quite wicked. I sat in his lap, facing the bed, my legs draped over his hairy thighs. His penis emerged from between my legs, pressing against my genitals, but he wasn't in a hurry to penetrate, instead using various techniques to play with my breasts, and my overflowing clitoris and clitoris. His voice rang in my ears: "How about it? Your husband seems to really enjoy fucking my wife. Look how enthusiastically he's doing it!" I knew he was trying to provoke me, but I was still filled with jealousy. I closed my eyes, turned around, and embraced his head, kissing him—this time, I was the one initiating the kiss. He lifted me up and placed me on the chaise longue, in a prone position, the head of his penis occasionally pressing against my labia. I knew he was about to enter; my body tensed, awaiting the moment, but it seemed to be struggling, stirring erratically beneath me. I couldn't bear it any longer, fidgeting restlessly. He whispered in my ear, "Want it? Put it in yourself." Almost without thinking, I reached out and guided his enormous penis to my clitoris, simultaneously writhing to welcome its entry. At that moment, I was in a state of ecstasy, desperately needing his penis inside. When it parted my labia and slid in, a wave of satisfaction washed over me. "So thick!" I groaned with relief. At that moment, my husband was watching me, his expression strange. I heard his body slapping against my buttocks, a sound so lewd that I couldn't control myself. Then, I heard my husband suddenly let out a deep, angry roar—he had ejaculated. I moaned even more wildly, matching the rhythm of Longsheng's manipulations. Longsheng bent down and pressed himself against my back, his hands reaching forward to wantonly knead my full breasts. This suddenly filled me with a feeling of humiliation, as if I were being played with, yet this feeling further fueled my physical sensations. A few minutes later, I was close to orgasm, my moans growing increasingly rapid. To be honest, Longsheng seemed to have used very little effort to bring me to orgasm. He seemed to sense my state and suddenly increased his speed. Just as I was about to reach my peak, he abruptly pulled my hair, causing my body to arch backward. This pain became the final straw for my orgasm; I screamed and trembled uncontrollably, tears streaming from my eyes… I don't know how much time passed, but Longsheng continued his manipulations relentlessly; his power seemed endless. I've lost count of how many orgasms I've had. My hands are weak, barely supporting my body, swaying helplessly in the manipulation, pleading, "Brother... I can't take it anymore... Please spare me! I'm going to die..." Long Sheng flipped me over, making me lie on my back on the couch. I finally got a chance to catch my breath. Then I saw his face, a victor's smile on his lips, as he entered my body again. I completely collapsed... It was an endless night. I don't know why Long Sheng had such powerful sexual abilities; he fucked me twice more. Then, my husband and sister-in-law joined in. My sister-in-law sucked my nipples, and I gave my husband oral sex. The scene was incredibly lewd; things I'd never imagined before had finally happened. Under their combined assault, I frequently reached orgasm quickly, then remained in that state, one orgasm after another. My husband and Long Sheng took turns fucking me, and I kept receiving the men's thrusts. Later, my husband became a spectator, watching a strong, powerful man play with his wife until he ejaculated deep inside her. His expression shifted from initial excitement to a hint of jealousy, but I seemed to feel a sense of revenge—was this the kind of exchange you wanted, this kind of feeling? We played from 9 pm until dawn before this exciting feast finally ended. I was exhausted and fell asleep in my husband's arms. Thankfully, he didn't relinquish this last right. I slept until 2 pm on Sunday afternoon. When I woke up, I found them dressed and chatting in the living room. My sister-in-law seemed very open, constantly explaining to me that they had started the swapping two years ago and had over ten successful experiences. Long Sheng didn't say much, sitting to the side, occasionally glancing at me. That look sent chills down my spine, reminding me of the lewd experience of the previous night. My husband seemed listless, for an easy reason. After about half an hour, my husband said he had to leave. Long Sheng and his wife didn't stop him, only offering polite words like "stay a little longer." Longsheng drove us to the long-distance bus station, and we took a bus back to Beijing. My husband and I barely spoke on the way; I held him tightly, as if afraid of losing something. After this experience, life returned to normal, except my husband was no longer enthusiastic about swapping partners, and his performance in bed suddenly became fierce. He often had sex with me very roughly, as if he was still traumatized by that incident. He would often ask me during sex, "Is Longsheng's penis better than mine?" I knew his pride was hurt, so I could only offer him comfort. Although my husband was much more proactive than before, due to objective limitations, I never felt that feeling again, that trembling feeling from that day. The Dark King Two months passed quickly, and my husband had to go on a business trip to the south for a month. Fate played a cruel trick; a phone call came suddenly… On the tenth day after my husband left, I received a call—it was from Longsheng! So sometimes I wonder: are people truly controlled by fate? Long Sheng said on the phone, "Brother misses you. When are you coming again?" I said, "My husband is away on a business trip, I can't come!" Long Sheng said, "He's gone, aren't you lonely? Come to Tianjin, let your brother see you." I said, "I can't do that, I promised him, an exchange requires both of us to be there." Long Sheng said, "Who said this is an exchange? I'm only looking for you alone. You're a beauty, you shouldn't let loneliness hold you back. Come on, I'll be waiting for you this weekend." Long Sheng's words struck my heart like a hammer blow. I was speechless for a moment, my heart pounding, and I didn't know how to refuse again. Long Sheng continued, "I know you can't forget me, why deceive yourself? I've prepared a wonderful night for you. Yan, I like you very much, I really want to see you." His words felt like a command to me, and I realized this problem from that night on. Yes, I couldn't refuse his request; I could only say "I'll think about it."Delay. After hanging up the phone, I was plunged into boundless anguish. I knew it was no longer a simple exchange devoid of emotion; I was sliding towards a dangerous edge. A sense of fear gripped me. A 35-year-old woman, past the age of budding romance, with a respectable career and a happy family, was facing a fatal temptation, powerless to resist. What was causing this confusion? Was it his enormous penis, his imposing appearance, or the domineering aura he exuded? Hanging up, I instinctively dialed another number—my husband's. "Hello…wife, is that you?" That familiar voice came from the other end. "It's me…" I suddenly didn't know what to say. "Oh, why are you calling me at this hour?" It was 3 PM. "Just wanted to ask how much longer you'd be back." "Ah, that's it? I thought something had happened! Didn't I already tell you, at least until the end of the month?" His tone was relaxed on the other end. "...Oh, couldn't you have said it sooner? I miss you." After a moment's hesitation, I said this, my best effort. But for some reason, I didn't tell him about Long Sheng's invitation. "That's strange, you never do this. Did something happen?" "Oh, nothing, I watched a movie last night, and I just missed you a little." I lied. "Was it that kind of movie?" "You know about that, but no!" My mind was in turmoil, deciding whether to tell him or not. "There's something else..." "Oh, we'll talk about it tonight. I've already started working at someone else's company, so I'll leave now." He hung up. Hearing the dial tone, I felt a pang of disappointment. In that instant, I had intended to tell him. That night, I waited for my husband's call, even seeing it as a test of fate. If he called, I would tell him about Long Sheng and reject him; if he didn't call, I didn't know what to do. Finally, one night he didn't call, and I was accompanied by a long, sleepless night. Was this another twist of fate? Sometimes I really believe in fate. Two more days passed, and on Friday, he called again. He asked when I could come. I was silent for a while, and he waited in silence too. I could almost feel the confident smile on the other end of the line. My stubborn nature suddenly erupted: "No, I'm not going." A somewhat disappointed tone came from the other end of the line. He didn't try to persuade me further and hung up. I felt a sense of relief, but at the same time, an indescribable feeling. This was my last act of resistance, and I was so glad I still had that courage. The next day was Saturday, and my son had made plans to go on a picnic with his classmates. I thought the matter was over, and a lonely, haggard housewife could only pass the time by shopping. While I was shopping, the phone suddenly rang. I looked, and it was Longsheng calling. "I'm in Beijing, where are you?" My heart started pounding. I said, "I'm out shopping." "With your husband? Is he back?" "No, he's still on a business trip." "Okay, come over now. I'm waiting for you in room 412 of the XXX Hotel." His tone left no room for argument. I wanted to say something, but I didn't have a chance; he had already hung up. At that moment, I felt like I was adrift in a boundless sea. What should I do? I had no idea. I wandered aimlessly through the mall, completely disoriented. Maybe I should just tell him when we meet! Strangely enough, this dangerous thought flashed through my mind at that moment, and without thinking, I found myself outside the mall, hailed a taxi, and headed straight for the hotel. As I walked down the hotel corridor, I subconsciously glanced at myself in the mirror at the top of the stairs. I was wearing a black turtleneck sweater, its tightness accentuating my ample breasts, a plaid velvet skirt, and high boots. My hair was styled in curls and draped down my back. I looked so sexy in the mirror, and I started to feel a surge of anger at myself for wearing such an outfit. I knocked on the door. There were some sounds inside. The door opened, and a massive figure came into view. Good heavens! He wasn't wearing any clothes, just his underwear. He smiled at me. "You've finally come. I knew you'd come." He pulled me into his arms and sealed my lips with his. The door behind me slowly closed, the sound of the lock clicking shut shattering my heart like a hammer blow, as if it had shut off all hope of turning back. I tried to resist, but he was so strong. The moment I leaned into his arms, I lost all strength. He kissed me for a while before letting go. I quickly said, "I came here because..." But he covered my mouth with his hand, pointed to the bathroom, and said in a commanding tone, "Go, wash up. Don't tire yourself out, relax." From the moment I stepped into the bathroom, I knew I could no longer resist. I completely surrendered. Whatever, it's not the first time anyway. Thinking this, I closed my eyes and started taking off my clothes. When the water poured over me, I felt incredibly comfortable. The weight that had been pressing on my heart for days was finally lifted; at least this was a way to find relief. Suddenly, a pair of hands slipped under my arms from behind. I knew it was him. I closed my eyes, enjoying his caresses. I felt something hard pressing against my lower body. I immediately grabbed his erect penis. He pushed me against the bathroom wall. I braced myself against the wall, my buttocks arching up, rubbing against the beast behind me. The showerhead sprayed water on us. He squeezed out some shower gel, applied it to my anus, and dug his fingers inside. He often likes to stimulate my anus during sex, and it's actually a very sensitive spot for me, but this time it was his penis that came in, and with the lubrication of his fingers and bath gel, the huge glans actually went inside! I was shocked and glanced back at him: "No, brother, don't..." He said gently, "Yan, I want you to belong entirely to me. Come on, relax, relax." I had no choice but to try to meet him, and his big thing slowly broke in, and I gradually felt pain, and even felt a slight urge to defecate. But as his penis thrust in and out, these sensations quickly gave way to the feeling of swelling. But to be honest, it wasn't as exciting as people imagine. But my brother was very excited. He started with gentle rubbing, and soon it turned into rapid thrusting. He thrust in and out while frantically kneading my breasts, and this time he reached orgasm even faster. During the break, we talked for a long time. When we got to the part about my swapping, Long Sheng seemed to think about it seriously for a moment and said, "Do you know why you didn't refuse at first? It's because subconsciously you were already tired of the mundane life..." "No, I can be content with the mundane," I quickly interrupted him. "You're just being stubborn. But why do you have this subconscious thought? It's because you are a wanton woman, you need this kind of man to give you this kind of pleasure. And the subconscious is something you can't know, otherwise, how could it be the subconscious? So, this means it's your destiny's arrangement." His words made my mind a little confused, and a voice in my heart asked myself: Is this really destiny's arrangement? He hugged me tightly again, calling my name: "Yan, you are a beauty, the sexiest woman I have ever seen. You are destined to be my woman, let your body enjoy the most passionate sex." His breath, his gentle voice, completely melted me, and the voice in my heart answered: Yes, Jiang Keyan, this is your destiny. For eight whole hours, my older brother and I were entangled naked together, barely leaving the bed. Aside from resting, we made love. I found myself enjoying this life, making love without a care in the world, even stroking his penis while sleeping. The release of the repression from over thirty years of impoverished life was incredibly powerful. I couldn't figure out if I loved him or succumbed to so-called fate. To be honest, he gave me a sense of fulfillment; his chest was so broad and strong, a sense of security filled my mind. Perhaps what women need most is this feeling of fulfillment, not wasting their lives in a boring, empty daily routine. From that day until my husband returned, a total of twelve days passed. He stayed in Beijing, and I went to see him almost every day, sometimes after get off work, sometimes after dinner, sometimes even leaving work at noon. Those twelve days were somewhat crazy; my mind was filled with thoughts of rendezvous with him, I was completely consumed by passion. The night before my husband returned, I made up an excuse not to go home. As dawn approached, he brought me to another climax. I screamed wildly, "Do you love me? Do you love me?" He didn't answer, only smiled—the smile of a victor. From then on, I became Long Sheng's mistress. He frequently sought opportunities to come to Beijing on business or for other reasons, but I knew very well that they were all for me. Each of his visits filled me with tension, wondering what new tricks he would pull. I even got an IUD inserted to prevent pregnancy. To me, he was a dark king, irresistible. I tried my best to make time to see him every time.He has a house in Beijing that he stopped renting out specifically for this purpose. Whenever he comes, I disappear for a few hours to go there and have sex with him. He especially likes it when I wear sexy lingerie and we have sex while he's showering in the bathroom. Sometimes I see myself in the mirror, my white tight-fitting underwear soaked and clinging to my body, my dark nipples peeking out from under the white fabric, my wet hair plastered to my skin, my figure exquisite and alluring, my expression seductive and intoxicated. I realize that I am actually so sexy; I might really be the stunner that my brother was talking about! Long Sheng seems to have an inexhaustible sexual interest in my body. His massive body often covers me, his body wantonly playing with mine, with a passion that seems to want to devour me. He demonstrates all sorts of sexual techniques, so exquisite, some even quite vulgar, but these techniques always leave me mesmerized. For example, he would suddenly blindfold me, tie me to the bed, and verbally abuse me with vulgar language. He would even clamp my nipples. Because of my infatuation with him, I endured it all and even tried to please him. It wasn't until much later that I learned it was called SM. During sex with him, I also discovered that I was capable of squirting. He told me this term, meaning that my clitoris would squirt during orgasm. Every time I squirted, I felt inexplicably excited because he seemed even more excited. After each time we were intimate, I couldn't face my husband when I got home, and our sex life became increasingly uninteresting. Compared to Longsheng, my husband seemed like a primary school student, but I tried even harder to please him and bring him pleasure. I know this was due to my guilt. For six months, my husband didn't notice anything, which only fueled my guilt. In fact, as time went on, I realized that the passion I felt during those twelve days couldn't keep me happy forever. More often than not, I was suffering in inner conflict. I indulged in intense physical pleasure with Longsheng, feeling like I was dying during sex with my husband. The Road to Redemption: One day at the end of September, I received another call from Longsheng. He said he would be coming to Beijing on Thursday and told me to get ready for a new game. Even though half a year had passed, my heart still raced every time I received his call. On Thursday afternoon, I took leave from work and went to his apartment in Beijing. Longsheng was already waiting for me there. We did almost nothing when we met; we went straight to the point. As soon as I entered, the same passionate kiss followed; he seemed as enthusiastic as ever. After we separated, he smiled at me. I knew what was coming next, so I consciously took off my clothes. Now I had learned how to undress to please him. I slowly took off my outer clothes, unbuttoned my shirt, then loosened my skirt, twisting as I pulled it down. He sat on the bed, squinting as he watched my performance. Inside, I was wearing a black camisole and black stockings—his favorite outfit. After undressing, I would help him take off his clothes, then have him sit on the edge of the bed and begin to serve his penis, which was driving me wild. Sometimes I would also use my breasts to stimulate it, and he would moan with great enjoyment. My oral skills had already satisfied him greatly, and seeing his satisfied expression, I licked him even harder. After a while, he took out a blindfold and put it on me, a common prop. After putting it on, he pushed me down on the bed and roughly entered my body. This was a bit strange, as he was usually very patient, often spending half an hour on foreplay. But before I could think about it, I was already immersed in the sensation of his hardness and size. Since it had been half a month since his last visit, I greedily enjoyed his manipulation. I seemed to blame him for his neglect, twisting my body wildly. After a while, he suddenly pulled his penis out of my body, leaving me feeling empty. He said, "Wait a minute," and then walked away. I wasn't surprised, because he sometimes tried something new during play. He returned shortly after, his penis entering my body again. But I suddenly felt something was wrong. I knew his penis all too well, yet the feeling was different. I jerked off my blindfold and was shocked to find a stranger on top of me! Long Sheng was sitting beside us, smiling. This stranger, probably about my age, sped up even more when he saw me open my eyes. I cried out, "Big brother, who is this?" Long Sheng maintained his smile and said, "Yan, this is a gift for you. We're having a threesome today." I tried to struggle, but he bent down, pressed my body against his, and kissed me. I was pinned down by two men and couldn't move at all; my lower body was at the mercy of the stranger. Long Sheng whispered in my ear, "Didn't I mention it to you last time? You said I was too scared, and here it is!" I finally remembered what he had said the previous two times. I thought it was just a joke because he hadn't mentioned it again for a month. I hadn't expected it to be true. I painfully closed my eyes, giving up the fight. Long Sheng picked me up, made the man lie down, and had me sit on him. He inserted his penis into my vagina, then smeared something on my anus before thrusting his large member into my back door. Although he had used my back door before, this time it felt very different. Two penises were attacking my lower body simultaneously from both ends. My already highly sensitive body was immediately driven by them, and any surprise or resistance I had felt earlier vanished. As he fucked me, he rubbed his beard against my ear from behind, his favorite tactic. I had seen this scene countless times in porn, and now it was actually happening to me. My mind was filled with lewd fantasies. Like a harlot in a porn film, I was being fucked by two men, letting my body accept both men from the front and back, and quickly reached orgasm. After they ejaculated into my vagina and anus, the threesome came to an end. I then learned that the man I had just met was one of his exchange partners, named Mr. Gao. After resting for a while, Mr. Gao lay down beside me with a lewd grin and roughly took me, while Long Sheng smiled confidently. That day, I played with them until 9 pm before Long Sheng let me leave. Autumn in Beijing was getting chilly, and a gust of cold wind made me feel unusually cold. The man who had captivated me had so easily shared me with others; what was my place in his heart? Perhaps I was just a plaything, one of his many playthings, but now he was still interested in me, and he would find all sorts of pleasure in me. As I walked, I thought about this, and tears streamed down my face. Suddenly, I felt incredibly despicable, no different from a prostitute. I knew these were tears of regret. I suddenly hated my husband intensely; it was his curiosity and lust that had led me to this point. Women are inherently emotional beings; love for a man can make her do anything for him. But Longsheng's attitude towards me made me doubt this relationship for the first time. Without love, a woman would never be infatuated with a man for his body alone—at least I wouldn't. After that, I tried to cut off all contact with Longsheng. Although I would occasionally meet him in the following months, I subconsciously reduced my dependence on him, for example, by seeking opportunities to travel for work to avoid him. Longsheng seemed to sense something. During our occasional rendezvous, although he was still as vigorous as ever, sometimes we would go for long periods without speaking, and I often felt a sense of loss. I was certain our relationship was nearing its end. This feeling of loss spread to my real life. My relationship with my husband also grew increasingly cold; sometimes we wouldn't say a word all night. He never tried to understand me, so for so long, I had been fighting a lonely battle of lust. If he cared about me more, if he were more sensitive to my feelings… On January 1st, 2006, I specifically chose this day to call Longsheng. I resolutely told him on the phone that I wouldn't be with him anymore. As you can imagine, he was incredibly surprised on the phone, but he quickly regained his confidence: "Yan, you can't escape it, this is your destiny, you're destined to be with me." "Take that back! I've figured it out, I'm just your plaything, I won't continue like this, don't bother my life anymore." After saying that, I hung up the phone. At that moment, I felt a sense of relief. Actually, Longsheng didn't truly understand me. I'm a stubborn woman; once I've made up my mind, there's no going back. And it was precisely this stubbornness that saved me from this situation. Yes, he was right, I'm a woman controlled by fate, and ultimately, it was my personality that made me leave him. Although he tried to seduce me for a long time afterward, I gritted my teeth and refused to go on those dates that had once brought me joy but now brought me more pain. I even changed my phone number. Luckily, during our relationship, I was careful not to tell him my workplace or work phone number. Longsheng, the man who once made me tremble, finally disappeared from my life after a year of our tumultuous affair. After the Spring Festival of 2006, about a year after I entered this abyss, I filed for divorce from my husband because I felt I had been betrayed by him.We've come to this point. He was utterly shocked by my decision and desperately wanted me to change my mind. When asked why, I refused to tell him what had happened. In my eyes, he was a pitiful yet hateful man, and I didn't want him to completely lose his will to live. I told him, "If you don't believe me, then look at my life after marriage. I wouldn't make such a decision for another man." Yes, I didn't make this decision for another man; I just didn't want to go any further. I wanted to come back, to find the me who felt at peace, the me free from pain and lust, even if everything was irretrievable.

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